Ex-partner's fame triggers anxiety for author

Susan Shapiro learned this week that a man she dated decades ago is receiving favorable press for a new professional project. The news prompted a renewed sense of distress for the author, despite years of therapy and a stable current marriage. She noted that her reaction felt inflammatory given her own recent career hurdles and her husband’s failing health.

Shapiro described the relationship as one defined by a power imbalance. She was 24 years old and working as a low-paid assistant at a magazine when they met. Her ex was 12 years her senior and already established in his field. Their blind date was arranged by his assistant, Sarah, who later told Shapiro that the man owed her hundreds of hours of unpaid work.

During their 12-month relationship, the man cooked gourmet meals and offered professional advice on Shapiro’s writing. He encouraged her to resign from her publishing job to pursue freelance work. Shapiro recalled that he read her rough drafts and suggested more surprising endings. He also told her she had outgrown her clerical position.

Red flags emerged after Shapiro moved in with him. She discovered he owed money to his assistant and was dealing with creditors. During a business trip, he asked her to cover rent and bills, promising to repay him upon his return. Shapiro found correspondence between the man and an actress in which he referred to her as his assistant rather than his live-in partner.

Shapiro left the relationship after hearing that his divorce was not final and that he had moved out of a previous apartment to avoid back rent. She also learned he was seeing another woman before their split. She estimated that he never reimbursed her for the few thousand dollars she had paid toward his expenses. She described the sum as a large amount of money for her at the time.

In the years following the breakup, the man married another woman while Shapiro took a decade to find her own spouse. She eventually met a television comedy writer who described his ideal meal as soda pop with cheese and pepperoni on paper plates. Shapiro insisted on keeping some finances separate after they married, a strategy a colleague labeled screw-you money.

Shapiro later wrote a memoir that included a chapter about the relationship. She depicted the man as a suave but deceptive ex and quoted her therapist, who said she was only guilty of believing what someone she trusted told her. After reading the book, the man emailed her a message that read ha ha and never spoke to her again.

The current media coverage has led Shapiro to question the concept of karma. She observed that the #MeToo movement has shown there is no expiration date on seeking justice, but she maintained that their relationship was consensual and not criminal. She acknowledged that she had escaped relatively unscathed and that his confidence had helped her launch her freelance career.

Shapiro’s husband asked if she had wanted to marry him or wanted to be him. She admitted she wanted to be him. She now lives in a home in Greenwich Village surrounded by books with her name on the jackets. She noted that her hard-won success has helped her move past the earlier harm to her ego.